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| Lupine and Poppies near Oak Tree burned in Rough Fire, North Fork of Kings River |
When I was twelve, I sneaked out
of the tent trailer at daybreak and strolled toward a prominent hill
rising above the campsite. The hill had for some reason attracted me
ever since we had arrived, perhaps because of its numerous flowers
and towering trees or because I was curious about what I would find
at the top. I had never left camp before without permission; I
remember intending only to walk over to the hill to ponder its
strange attraction for a few moments. When I stood next to the hill,
however, I felt dwarfed, yet drawn even more to its mysterious
otherness, so I started scrambling up the steep slope, telling myself
that I would turn back before anyone knew I was gone. I kept climbing
higher, though, keenly aware of the time, until I reached a ridge. I
paused, catching my breath, believing that some truth was about to be
revealed to me, but when I gazed up the hill, I noticed only more of
the same: trees, flowers, rocks, as far as the eye could see.
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| Root of the Element of Earth |
Disappointed, I turned to head
back, spotting a bird with a brilliant red head and yellow body
perched about fifteen feet away on the branch of a dead tree. I had
never encountered such a bird before, and I slowly edged closer,
amazed that it didn't fly away. I stared at it for a long time,
believing that no one else had ever encountered such a dazzling bird
before because I had never seen anything like it on TV or in
magazines or in my neighborhood. Perhaps because I was so still,
contemplating the bird and my surroundings, I could feel my
personality slip away. The flowers, rocks and trees suddenly seemed
timeless, and I was aware only of being, of gazing at a magical bird.
As I stared, I became aware that the bird was part of one vast
mysterious Being. I thought at first that this Being was the
mountain, which seemed to go on forever in every direction, but then
I gazed up at the sky: This Being was the Earth and the sky. Perhaps
It was the entire cosmos, a cosmos that was aware that the bird and I
were conscious of each other.
I felt terrified, thinking that
human life was no more significant than the life of any other
creature, plant or animal, each in its own way as aware as any other being,
each a point of awareness within a Being that extended forever in
every direction. Just as I was feeling like a grain of sand within
this vastness, the bird suddenly flew away. I chased after it and
found it again perching in another tree, still seemingly unafraid but
wary enough to keep its distance. Again I stared until the bird
vanished, and I knew I needed to head back to camp. What if most
human beliefs and values were wrong? What if the whole human
experience with its amazing art and science and philosophy was just
one minuscule fraction of this vast Being? What if awareness itself, the
inexplicable connection with birds, flowers, trees, was the
point of existence, not wealth or power or status? That thought
unexpectedly filled me with peace even as I scrambled down the slope.
I knew I had realized something important, something that made human
striving seem absurd, yet I also knew that the people I knew would
think me insane if I mentioned it, and something in me sensed that I
would forget the whole experience.
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| Path 11 |
Decades later, as I watched the
sun set behind a mountain, I involuntarily stopped thinking, and my
self dissolved into the scene before me, the clouds pink and orange
and purple. I suddenly had strange thoughts, “There is no history,
no time. I have no self, only awareness of being. My being is
significant as an awareness of Being itself, the world sliding into
darkness as points of light pierce the sky.” As I thought this, I
came back to myself, feeling a twinge of terror because everything I
had identified with my personality and the whole of human experience
had dissolved for those few moments. Again I felt the deep peace and
mystery of Being, and I remembered my long ago experience with a
magical bird (the western
tanager).
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| Path 32 |
At key points in my life, mystical
experiences have shown me that being is enough, that in fact it is
all we have. I have even learned how to lose myself in Being through
ritual and meditation. However, if you have a chronic illness that is
slowly destroying your digestive system, this mystical connection
doesn't help much in a practical way in terms of healing. I have realized that I am only
able to deal with celiac disease through occultism. In other words,
instead of remaining in the oneness of Being, I must bring spirit
down into the planes of form to heal my body and mind. I have emptied
my mind innumerable times to let go of negative mental patterns, a
process similar to dissolving the “pain body.”
I have also mentally purified my chakras, the energy centers of the
aura. Those practices are important for achieving peace and
enlightenment but don't cure my chronic illness, which continues to
plague me, gripping me like fate. In my current condition, I have to
invoke powerful, positive cosmic forces to heal myself. In my case, healing means improving my condition to
the point that I am able to digest fruits and vegetables and meats
effectively. Now I am only able to digest yams and potatoes and a few
meats such as boiled chicken without discomfort, and I am afraid that
my digestive system will soon fail to do even that much. I realize
that I will never again be able to eat anything with even the most
minuscule amount of gluten, of course, but when faced with the
possibility that my digestive system might be shutting down, that
limitation doesn't worry me too much.
Recently, I performed The Ritual
of the Sun. (See previous post.) Those of you who have kept up with
my posts know that after I went through a process of mental
purification, I developed the ability to “see” with my mind's eye
the illness and negativity in my aura and my body. After the ritual I
have mentally scanned my body and have seen only light in my torso,
whereas before within the past year or so I have only seen blackness
in my digestive system. I began feeling hopeful again after seeing
that light within me, which has motivated me to continue healing
myself by invoking powerful spiritual forces. I decided to perform a
Tarot divination with this query: “What will be the outcome if I
try to heal myself through my spiritual practices?” The result was
surprising.
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| Path 23 |
Using the Celtic Cross spread, I
first dealt The World, then crossed it with The Fool. I recognized
deep significance there: The World is the last path on the Tree of
Life, connecting The Foundation (Yesod) with The Kingdom (Malkuth).
The Fool is the first path emanating from the Crown of Creation
(Kether). In other words, the first was crossing the last, suggesting
the end and the beginning linked in a never-ending cycle with all
other paths in between. End and beginning, beginning and end
together. The Ace of Pentacles, symbolizing the harmony of all levels
of being within manifestation, occupied the position of the "Root Cause," sometimes known as the “Goal or
Destiny,” the best that can be accomplished in existing
circumstances. All the cards in the layout contained a highly
personal meaning for me. Of these cards, I will tell you only that
they were spot on, but one especially deserves mentioning: The Hanged
Man occupied the position of “Current Environment.” The Hanged
Man, targeted as a traitor by a group of people, resembles in many
ways The Ten of Swords. (See previous post.) Both suggest paralysis
and death but reveal the potential for transformation and
enlightenment. A surprising card occupied the position of “Final
Result,” the most likely culmination of the situation: The Two of
Cups.
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| Two of Cups Venus in Cancer Zodiac in Chokmah |
The Two of Cups symbolizes optimal
health. A man and a woman, representing on one level
the masculine and feminine energies of the psyche, face each other in
balanced polarity. A caduceus wand rises between them, symbolizing
the energy channels of the aura. Two of the channels, one masculine,
one feminine, snake around the primary chakras and rise up around the
central channel to reach the third eye chakra, the fiery lion's head
with wings in the position of the crown chakra, the point where the
soul meets the divine. The caduceus wand symbolizes the potent energies of the
life-force in balance and stands as the symbol of health on all
levels of being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Hence,
its use as a symbol for the medical profession.
Since I have committed myself to
healing an intractable disease through contact with positive cosmic
forces, I next performed a ritual with the Two of Cups as the central
focus. The decanate associations of the Two of Cups are Venus in
Cancer. The Tree of Life correspondence is the second sephira known as Chokmah, associated with the zodiac.
Using the Tarot Pentagram Spread (see previous post), I invoked the
Egyptian Gods associated with Cancer and Venus: Khepera and Hathor respectively. In the process, I learned what I had been missing in my
earlier attempts to heal myself.
After experiencing the energies of
these Gods, I realized that it is often difficult to heal oneself
because love of Being and love of self, after long periods of suffering,
often vanish. After invoking Hathor, the Egyptian Goddess of Love, I
understood that healing begins with self-love, not a narcissistic
egotism but a forgiveness of faults and a deep understanding and
acceptance of one's being. Without that love, dark energy continues
to occupy the aura and illness continues to return no matter how many
times one eliminates the negative energy. To truly love oneself, one
also feels love and compassion for all Being, for one is part of the
other. Love provides the foundation for health. The Source provides
the energies of transformation.
KHEPERA
(Cancer)
reveal the morning sun—
Show me the promise
of what I can become.
Transform me so that I live
in health and harmony
and create the life that I desire.
Let my inner light,
my higher self, shine
with the rising sun—
let me add my light
to the light of eternal Being,
serving thee and the one God
for the highest possible good.
HATHOR (Venus)
Great Hathor, Goddess of love,
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| Venus |
Goddess of beauty, to whom
I have devoted my life, fill me
with thy light, fill my soul
with thy love so that I
may live in health and harmony,
knowing the abundance
and magnificence of Being,
knowing the beauty
of the Many within the One
and the One within the Many.
Let thy love banish all illness
and all negativity so that I
may add my love
to the love of all Being,
serving thee and the one God
for the highest possible good.
Love and transformation are
universal needs in this difficult time that we are experiencing as a
species. Without love we can strive to eliminate problems and
negativity but they will continue to return. Invoking the high
spiritual energies of the Goddess of Love has helped me to manifest the love of self and love of Being
that I need to truly eliminate negativity. The energies of Venus are
unstable on the planes of form, but bringing down the highest
spiritual love of the Goddess continues to have a positive,
life-changing effect, especially as I continue to eliminate the
negativity associated with chronic illness.
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