As I stepped into my bedroom, I sensed the presence of a fierce, menacing spirit. After a moment, I recognized who it was because each soul has a unique energy, an invisible signature written on the world, both in life and in death. I was surprised because I had not encountered the man in many years, and even though I knew he was extremely old, I was unaware that he had passed away. I do not purposely insult people often, but a few years ago I had gone out of my way to offend the man because he had pretended to stand up for the powerless but had abused the little power that he had managed to command. He was a megalomaniac, a twisted hypocrite, and I had publicly let him know my opinion of him.
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| Five of Swords |
I had been attacked by spirits before, so fortunately I knew how to handle it. After I walked into the room, the spirit did not immediately jump me, possibly because he was new at the game or surprised that I recognized his presence. He overcame his hesitancy and made his move, engulfing me with his dense energy a minute or so after I got into bed. I could tell that he soon regretted it, however, because he quickly lost his zeal when I imagined my soul radiating light like the sun. When he experienced the intense light and realized that he was not scaring me in the least, he loosened his grip on me, and his energy soon vanished.
A day after my encounter with his spirit, I found out in the paper that he had died of cancer. His soul, I concluded, had left his body before the doctors had officially declared him dead.
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| Five of Cups Mars in 1 - 10 degrees of Scorpio |
I have made myself sensitive to the spirit world through physical, mental, and spiritual purification and through a particular jewel in my possession. I do not see spirits with my physical eyes. My subconscious senses the energy and an image of the entity is cast upon the screen of my mind. I see it, in other words, with my “third eye.” I have only seen a spirit with my physical eyes once. Faintly effervescent, the spirit was transparent and seemed to slant in and out of this dimension. That spirit, extremely powerful and malicious, was the first I ever encountered, and I could tell that it wished to do me harm the moment I glimpsed it. One night--invisible the whole time--it shook me so hard I thought I was going to fly into pieces. Then it nudged me hard four times. A few days later, it made farting noises right behind me. That was when I learned how to deal with malicious spirits.
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| The Prince of the Chariot of Fire |
I have tried to ignore paranormal experiences for most of my life because society forces us to live within a very narrow range of vibration, conditioning us to block the pathways to the soul--that essential aspect of each one of us connected to vast, scary, powerful cosmic forces. Human beings, however, are comprised of these cosmic vibrations. (One symbol system, known as the Tree of Life, reveals the different types of energy in the cosmos and how they relate to the individual human being.)
These powerful, subtle forces can make people feel small and without much control. Our social system, on the other hand, strives to create the illusion that humans are in control of the world. We become afraid of any forces that challenge our limited perceptions of the cosmos. How many years did it take before we accepted that the Earth is not the center of the universe? It will no doubt take at least as long for humanity to accept that the physical universe is only a tiny aspect of the cosmos as a whole.
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| Path 15 |
(Look, I know you don’t believe that food can cause heart palpitations and depression any more than you believe that I’ve encountered spiritual entities. In fact you won’t believe ninety-five percent of what I am saying even if it’s ninety-five percent true: The other five percent I'm just not totally sure about. I will forever remain a fiction that you either find entertaining or ignore.)
The first time I made the connection between heart palpitations and food was two years ago, right after I ate a leftover slice of chocolate cake from Rosine’s Restaurant in Monterey, CA, while my wife was attending a conference. A few minutes after I finished the cake, my heart began wildly missing beats and continued to beat irregularly for over an hour. I managed to take a nap and woke up to a regular heartbeat. My digestive system had become so damaged over the years that a piece of cake loaded with gluten made my heart go haywire. Soon after that, if I ate even a little bit of gluten, in a cheerio or a crust of bread, for instance, my heart would beat irregularly.
Your heart has no doubt at some point skipped a beat, and you may have wondered for a moment if you were dying from a heart attack. Imagine that your heart keeps skipping a beat every few seconds, for hours at a time--just keeps fluttering, unable to find a regular rhythm. This is what happens to me after I eat a miniscule amount of gluten.
The gluten protein is hidden in almost every product on grocery store shelves. Even quinoa contains a protein that mimics gluten. To those who are truly sensitive, many of the products labeled “gluten-free” cause a reaction. The industry standard for that label is not adequate to protect a person with full-blown celiac disease.
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| Nine of Swords Mars in 11 - 20 degrees of Gemini |
I am not noticeably crippled by the disease. In other words, I’m not in a wheelchair or using crutches or wearing a respirator, so people generally do not believe that I have a physical debility. Instead, most people jump to the conclusion that my symptoms are psychological--or that I am lying. One of the few friends I have keeps--consciously or not--pronouncing the word “celiac” as “silly act."
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| Five of Pentacles |
One night, a thud woke me up. The cat would sometimes leap to the floor or knock things over, so I wasn’t concerned at first, but then I remembered that I had rigged an “alarm" by positioning the ironing board, with the iron at its edge, next to my wife’s bedroom door, so that when the door was pushed inward from the patio, the iron would tip over and plunge to the floor. As my eyes adjusted in the darkness I remembered that I was in my daughter’s bedroom. I stayed alert, telling myself that I was being silly, when suddenly I heard, right in front of the door to the guest room across the hall--my “bedroom"--the sound of someone releasing the safety on a gun.
I stopped breathing. For a long time, silence dominated the house until I distinctly heard the click of someone unlocking the bathroom window.
Besides the family, only one other person knew that I slept in the guest room because of my snoring. One other person knew that my wife and daughter were away. One other person had a key to the house. One other person never caused the dog to bark. That person was probably lying in wait outside my door with a gun.
Suddenly I heard the clicking of claws on the wooden floor and my dog sniffing under the door. At that moment I realized that my friend had no doubt rehearsed this intrusion while everyone was away during the day, probably many times, so that he would know exactly how and where to step on the wooden floor without making creaking noises.
This was his window of opportunity.
I listened carefully again. No one was stealing anything. I quietly lifted the shade and noticed the cat sleeping outside on a rug. Then I recalled that John, who had a reputation as a perfectionist, would never hire anyone else to do jobs around the house even though often he would start something and never finish it, overwhelmed by so many odd jobs that refused to be done just right....
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| Three of Pentacles Mars in 11 - 20 degrees of Capricorn |
That afternoon, as I pulled into the driveway, I had discovered Blackmore, my new landlord hard at work on the sprinkler system, which made me a little uncomfortable since my wife and daughter had already left on their trip, and no one had told me that John had planned to work in the backyard. He was on his hands and knees scooping dirt from a shallow trench with a large spoon. He had already used a narrow shovel to dig a trench, placing slabs of earth in a row on the sidewalk. John was methodically making the sides and bottom of the trench even, something that apparently was necessary before he could confront the leaky pipes. John practiced the art of maintenance better than anyone I have known. Most of the solutions that he found for practical problems remained a mystery to me, but I also respected the fact that he rarely did anything unless it was absolutely necessary.
"I hear Bush signed the bill for the feasibility study for Temperance Flat Dam," I mumbled.
"They just keep throwing money at that project, hoping something will actually happen."
"You don’t think anything will?"
"Everyone knows that the era of dam building is over. I doubt that the federal government is going to build another dam when the budget is hemorrhaging due to the war."
"But if the Interior Department finds the dam feasible, it is automatically authorized."
"That is probably the bigger problem, the way Bush keeps gutting environmental laws, but I think the project will probably be tied up in court for years, hopefully long enough at least to get another administration into the White House."
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| Two of Wands Mars in 1 - 10 degrees of Aries |
John and I had shoveled the dirt out of the bed of his pickup a while back because John had claimed that he was going to use it to “even out” the lawn. At the time I was living in another house, and I was simply helping him with one of his “rentals." To me, the lawn already appeared level. Over time, a small trench had formed at the top of the dirt pile where rainwater had fallen from the eaves, and bermuda was taking over the flowerbed.
"So what sort of project have you got going here?" I asked.
"The sprinkler system is hemorrhaging. It’s clogged in one place and leaks in another. I’ll be at this for a few days."
"Well, thanks," I muttered. I again felt uncomfortable because I hadn’t even noticed the problem. At that moment I felt like the debt we owed John could never possibly be repaid, especially since I am chronically ill and can barely hold down two part-time jobs. I focus the little energy I have left on being an artist, writer, composer and activist, activities that generally don't make a person rich. I confess that I am not much of a provider for my family, and I’m certainly not as practical as I should be. I would rather look at flowers than kill myself making a buck.
I went inside and stared at John through the window. I suddenly imagined a human body in the flowerbed and blinked to rid the image from my mind.
My wife and daughter were visiting a friend for the weekend, so that evening I binged on a six pack of beer. Just as I was finishing beer number six at around ten-thirty that night, I had an overwhelming feeling that I was in danger. I usually sleep in the guest room because I snore and my wife is a light sleeper. Since the door to my room does not have a lock, and since my wife’s bedroom features a door opening onto the patio that doesn’t always latch well, I decided to sleep in my daughter’s bedroom, which no one could enter without breaking down the door.
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| Five of Wands Tree of Life: Mars in Geburah |
After awhile, as I lay in the darkness, I started drifting off to sleep, telling myself that I would have enough time to react if I heard someone trying to break into the room. He would have to break down a door in his own house, one of the most solid doors I have ever seen, and he would lose the element of surprise. He might have to engage in physical combat. The thought that he might lose the fight even though he had a gun no doubt made him hesitate. If he did lose, he would be exposed as a psychopath, which would destroy his reputation--and land him in prison.
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| Seven of Wands Mars in 21 - 30 degrees of Leo |
I have never told anyone except my wife, who is the most loving and understanding person I have ever met, about the attempts on my life, and she refuses to believe me. The first time, after several hours of straining to hear the intruder, I fell asleep and found no evidence of a break in. If I had accused Blackmore, he would have evicted me and my family from his house, and my wife would have lost a generous patron. You see, Blackmore was letting us live rent-free in his house and paying for her classes while she worked for a teaching credential. Since the house belongs to him, fingerprints would prove nothing.
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| Ten of Cups Mars in 21 - 30 degrees of Pisces |
Descriptions abound of hauntings and demonic possessions. Has it ever occurred to anyone to ask why people aren’t visited by angels just as often? Despite our so-called rationality and all our laws and social conditioning, we remain in a highly unevolved state where our lack of balance attracts dark, horrific forces. I suspect that angels can hardly stand the unbalanced minds of human beings.
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