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| Wind Poppies |
Note: All photographs were taken in spring, 2016, at the North Fork of the King River, after the Rough Fire.
Wherever I go in the forest, I
encounter angels.
It all started one spring when my
wife and I were driving on Watt's Valley Road east of Fresno, and we
stopped next to a hillside blanketed by flowers. As I gazed,
transfixed, I couldn't help but mumble, despite my agnosticism,
“There is a God.” I returned a few years later, after I had
experienced a spiritual emergence due to meditation, to what my wife
and I have come to call affectionately “the God-hill,” and I
scrambled up the slope in the rain, my feet slogging through a
tapestry of fairy lanterns, Chinese houses, tarweed, and Ithuriel's
spears. No matter which way I turned, magnificent arrays ravished me,
and I stood still for a long time—not just because I was trying to
avoid stepping on any more plants. I could sense a unique
consciousness emanating from each species, a slightly different
frequency of the life-force, all the species within their niche tuned
to each other. Later, in some esoteric book I read that each species
in nature is the manifestation of an angelic, overarching
consciousness, and I like to imagine that each species is an angel
that I can experience with both physical and psychic senses. I am
extremely cautious while in nature because every animal has the right
to survive and defend itself and its young, but after I have been in
the forest awhile I tune my spirit to the energy of its angels.
Even rocks seem to contain a strange, angelic energy, more primeval
than the grass and trees, manifesting far longer than any protoplasm.
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| Ithuriel's Spear and Fiesta Flowers |
Recently I woke up in the middle
of the night and could not get back to sleep. Suddenly, after many
anxious thoughts, I found myself within the sun, and I sensed its
power and light within all the manifested angels of creation. I
believed that I knew my purpose, as one sometimes does in the middle
of the night when one cannot sleep: I was born to spread the word
that everything in nature is the dense aspect of the spiritual, each
species the manifestation of an angel, each angel brimming with
physical and spiritual light. Then I understood why shamans connect
with power animals: Each animal is one of Earth's angels, at least as
significant to humans as the great shining ones of other spiritual
realms. As physical beings, we are always closer to Earth's angels
than to nonphysical beings. In other words, it is inevitably easier
to commune with the host of Earth's angels than with angels from
other planes of being. These angels can each give us power to survive
and thrive on the material plane.
An angel, of course, is a
personification, a symbol, but the human mind naturally
anthropomorphizes as a way to give form to the unseen realities of
spirit. Some animal species, such as humans, are evolving individual
consciousness, which tends to focus on making a unique place for
itself within the world, yet as humans we also retain the potential
of contacting the unseen. The figures of angels and gods have helped
the human mind make this contact throughout history. The mystical
Tree of Life shows the relationships of basic unseen energies, and a
study of the Tree reveals the types of unseen energies represented by
gods and angels throughout history.
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| Indian Pinks |
The next morning, of course, I
came to my senses, realizing that many people, especially the most
“rational” among us, would consider my mission ridiculous or
insane. Most atheists and religious people, I've discovered, have
their own belief system set in stone, and, skepticism, if my
experience is any indication, fuels agnosticism. What if, though,
humanity suddenly experienced a sea change in attitude and believed
that each species is one of Earth's angelic hosts and then
extrapolated that Earth is the dense, physical manifestation of a
spiritual Source that is both immanent and transcendent?
As I have progressed through life,
I can't help but discern patterns and abstract meaning from them. I
call this meaning spiritual principle. Others might consider it
existential gestalt or some other term. For example, I have striven
over the years, successfully or not, to develop myself as an artist,
writer, composer, activist and spiritual seeker. Each of these
pursuits has required sacrifices of time, energy, and money. In each
case, I have had to give up something basic to achieve my goal, and I
have had to forgive people who have harmed me along the way (and I'm
sure they have had to forgive me). When I look back, however, I
realize that I have experienced an expansion of consciousness
resulting from each sacrifice. At some point during each sacrifice, I
have achieved a new and larger sense of self.
Moreover, I have come to realize
that spiritual principle applies to my worldly experiences whether or
not I am, at the time,
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| Madia, Wind Poppies, Chinese Houses |
The spiritual principle known as
the “mysteries of sacrifice,” I have discovered, consists of a
process with three stages: first, of course, the actual sacrifice,
the giving up of something for a greater good; then, forgiveness of
others who have harmed me during the sacrifice; and finally,
transformation, a blossoming into a more exalted state of being.
These stages have occurred and the spiritual principle has applied
whether or not I have been the least bit concerned with spiritual
development.
In the Qabalah, the Christ is a
spiritual force that has manifested as different saviors and gods in
cultures throughout history, the most recent being Jesus, in whose
life the stages of sacrifice play out dramatically through his
crucifixion, his forgiveness, and his resurrection. Each one of us, I
believe, experiences these stages to some degree whenever we commit
to a greater good, such as raising a family in difficult economic
times, creating a work of beauty, or overthrowing a tyrant, whether
in politics, academia, or the workplace.
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| Wind Poppies, Chinese Purple Houses |
The process of sacrifice resembles
the act of rolling a large rock up a hill, but when the person
reaches the summit, he or she experiences an expansion of
consciousness, a greater understanding of spiritual principle, a
larger sense of self. With sacrifice and forgiveness also comes
freedom. The act of forgiveness itself results in a release from
bitterness and anger and hatred, a cleansing that leads to a clearer
perspective. Don't get me wrong—the act of forgiveness is never
easy and often only occurs years after the actual offense, but in my
experience the elimination of negativity is absolutely necessary in
achieving clarity and expansion of self.
Sacrifice and forgiveness also
result in breaking away from social conditioning. One recognizes how
false and illusory are many beliefs maintained by the establishment
culture, which is often focused on hierarchies and power
relationships. For me, sacrifice has led to a greater understanding
of spiritual principle and the ideals of the higher self, which has
released me from the materialistic goals of a capitalistic society. I
no longer feel
compelled to gain wealth, status, or power. I am free
to act according to the ideals of my higher self, to strive for
harmony and exaltation through my art and spirituality. This might
strike a sophisticated modern human being as rather archaic. However,
I have come to believe in abstractions such as truth, justice, and
beauty because life has initiated me. Like many others, I have
contacted the unseen energies, and I know their place on the Tree of
Life, the mystical glyph that reveals the evolution of the cosmos and
the highest evolution of humanity. As I have mentioned in other
posts, Life has initiated me in one way through meditation: I had a
number of visions of symbols associated with the Tree of Life that
reveal spiritual principle—even while I was still an agnostic.
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| Wind Poppies, Fiesta Flower |
A person often progresses from one
stage to another through sacrifice, which requires intention and
attention to spiritual principles, such as truth, beauty, and
balance. The mind must make a commitment and focus time and energy on
its goal, which is a basic form of sacrifice, instead of simply
focusing on feeling
I should make clear that I am not
a Christian in the conventional sense. I am, however, living proof
that a person who has never accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior can
experience the Christ force. People throughout history have
experienced the force of harmony and selfless love even if they have
never heard of Christianity, but identifying with the archetype of
Jesus, I believe, is an effective way of attuning the heart and soul
to that energy, so long as the vice of that sphere, pride, doesn't
rear its ugly head—just as identifying with Mercury is an effective
way of giving the mind an intellectual focus or identifying with
Venus effectively gives the mind an artistic focus.
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| Ithuriel's Spears, White-tipped Lupine |
Over the years, I have witnessed
activists who have kept fighting despite attacks on their credibility
and reputation. I stand in awe at how they did not give up after
being blackballed or ruined financially. They have shown me the power
of sacrifice, which sometimes results in other people doing the right
thing just as a situation appears at its bleakest. When I was working
as a political organizer, I was an agnostic, but I began to recognize
sacrifice as a spiritual principle as I worked with these amazing
activists. I first experienced the Christ-force, not in a church, but
while active in politics. I witnessed how other activists sacrificed
just about everything they had for a higher purpose, and they fought
on despite being vilified, blackballed, or ruined financially.
An activist chooses a life of
sacrifice. Beyond the sacrifice of time, energy, and money, he knows
that he is taking a risk standing up to influential people in
business or academia or politics. He does not know exactly what
sacrifice will be demanded but knows that it will occur. In Fresno,
CA, an activist learns the score pretty quickly. If activists are
effective, people in power will eventually try to undermine them
because they interfere with their interests or threaten their
reputation. Local governments practice a kind of faux democracy,
where political representatives go through the process of listening
to testimony at public hearings in order to fulfill legal
requirements and maintain the illusion that average citizens can
influence the political process. Even in the most backward
communities, political representatives have learned how to “dot the
i's and cross the t's” for statutes and legal documents, such as
environmental impact reports, while relying on their staff and
industry attorneys to ensure that their decisions are legally
bullet-proof. Elected officials are more often than not influenced by
money, and their votes usually boil down to what is expedient and
beneficial for their contributors, not what is morally right or in
the public's best interest.
Vested interests use a number of
tactics to undermine activists behind the scenes. Powerful people can
complain to the activist's employer, for instance. They can get
politicians or business leaders to question an activist's
credibility. For example, one activist in the Valley sued a developer
for inadequate environmental review. During the settlement process,
in which the activist demanded that the developer preserve a tract of
farmland in perpetuity as mitigation, a local government official
phoned the activist and stated that he had called the school district
where the activist worked as a substitute. The official wanted the
activist to know that he had complained about the activist to the
school district. When I spoke to him last, the activist had not been
called to work for the school district in over a month, yet that
didn't stop him.
Inspired by their example, I too
have experienced forms of ambiguous intimidation. I have lost several
jobs, for instance, one after an unexpected evaluation where the
administrator begrudgingly marked excellent in each category. He,
however, refused to talk about the evaluation with me in a
post-evaluation meeting, and I discovered a few days later that I
would not be rehired as a teacher at that community college. This was
a few weeks after a local newspaper had published an op-ed piece of
mine opposing dams on public land. I had worked as an adjunct
instructor at the college for over twelve years, receiving a rating
of excellent in every category on every evaluation. I had never
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| Chinese Houses, Wind Poppies, Fiesta Flowers |
I can't, of course, prove that I
was fired for opposing the ag industry. I'm pretty sure I have been
fired from several other jobs in academia simply for telling the
truth, but since so much occurs behind closed doors, and loose lips
can lead to lawsuits, I cannot provide definite proof.
Coincidentally, academia is the sphere of Mercury, where truth is the
highest virtue—and deception is its vice. My experience with
academia is no doubt akin to another person's experience with
corporate culture: power relationships are more important than truth.
In a faux democracy, an activist
can become quite paranoid. Once, a friend from collage called me out
of the blue one evening. I hadn't heard from him in years. The first
thing he asked about was an op-ed piece that I had written opposing
development in the river bottom. He invited me to a party, and he and
his friend and I jammed on electric guitars for most of the evening.
As I was placing my guitar in the trunk, for some unknown reason my
friend tried to get me to drive home even though I had imbibed at
least four beers. He had been friendly the entire evening until I
insisted that my wife drive home. Then he snarled offensive remarks
questioning my masculinity. His friend also made fun of me while I
was getting into the passenger seat of the car. When I refused to
drive, they both seemed to panic, as if they both were desperate to
get me behind the wheel in an inebriated state. Their remarks were so
vulgar and mean-spirited that I kept an eye out for a cop car, and
while my wife was driving home I noticed not far from my friend's
house a man sitting in what might have been an unmarked police car.
Around this time I had also
published an article critical of a judge who had fined a local
activist hundreds of thousands of
dollars for a frivolous lawsuit.
During the last public hearing the activist had submitted testimony
about the precedent-setting and growth-inducing impacts of rezoning
the river bottom, and the judge considered his testimony insufficient
for a lawsuit, a legal decision which could have established
precedent that would have enabled developers to sue just about anyone
who does not participate in every stage of a land use decision. The
judge's decision was overturned on appeal, but not before the
activist was driven to bankruptcy.
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| Hooker's Onion, Wind Poppies |
Even though I thought we'd had a
blast during the party, I never heard from my former “friend”
again. Believing that an old friend might try to get me arrested for
a felony DUI might seem like a case of simple paranoia, but I cannot
help but remain in a state of agitated hyper-vigilance: Causing an
activist's life to unravel is an effective way of keeping the
activist from participating in the democratic process. Since poor
health now is keeping me from being active, I'm stuck writing this
blog instead.
For several years, I worked as the
director of an effective environmental organization. I organized
coalitions, testified at public hearings, spoke at press conferences,
and gained public support in a number of ways. Just when the
organization was hitting its stride politically, helping to stop
projects such as coal-fired power plants and a hazardous waste
incinerator and establishing the public support to pass legislation
forming a Unified Air Pollution Control District, I was named in a
sexual harassment lawsuit because I allegedly allowed sexual
harassment in the workplace. I had not witnessed, nor had I found any
evidence of sexual harassment, but the organization in Fresno
eventually had to close its doors due to the lawsuit: the
organization, already in the red, had to settle out of court instead
of paying much higher court costs. At the same time, the organization
was evicted from the building where it had rented office space for
over four years, not for failure to pay rent, but for overdue late
charges. As the director, I kept experiencing trouble from every
side, such as a bogus organization, which paid its employees under
the table, canvassing on similar issues; repeated burglaries; and the
local newspaper putting our recruitment ad in the sales section of
the classifieds even though we were not selling anything, simply
exercising our right to free speech and involving the public in the
democratic process.
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| Madia, Wind Poppies, Chinese Houses |
Activism matters because, even
though laws and policies are always subject to change, and even
though activists in places like Fresno, CA, are vulnerable, the best
activists through discipline and sacrifice manifest not only the
virtues of Mercury and Venus but the courage of Mars, the spiritual
magnificence of Jupiter, and the harmony and selfless love associated
with the the Sun. I am certainly not a great activist. As soon as I
have become effective on an issue, I also tend to become beset by
almost insurmountable problems, and I have alienated many powerful
people in academia and business and politics. I now stand alone,
which is not usually a good thing when one is trying to establish public support for one's position. However, I have witnessed, during
my various spiritual initiations, that the positive use of the energies
associated with the higher self, including the spheres of Mercury,
Venus, The Sun, Mars, and Jupiter, can inspire people on a deep level: Far better activists than I have inspired me. Activism is
about fighting for what you love, and despite my flaws, I have at
least had the privilege of working with people wholly committed to protecting what they love, and those who have sacrificed a great deal have
certainly had a lasting effect on what the Qabalist's call the “inner
planes,” as well as on the quality of life of the community.
